Am I A Pod-Person??

“Women That Fart”.

…OK; If that didn’t offend you, I find it safe to say that nothing else I write in this blog will…

Anyhow, I didn’t just mention that because the idea of women farting kind of makes me laugh. (No; Not the girls like I did plays or graduated school with, but the more-sophisticated types that go to art galleries or operas for fun, constantly refer to themselves as “women”, & often insist you do the same.) I also did it because thinking of it briefly this morning reminded me of that scene in “Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back”…

OK; Searching YouTube briefly got me nothing, so let me explain to those of you who haven’t see it: In the film, “Jay” & “Silent Bob” (the character created-&-played by the film’s writer/director, Kevin Smith) are on their way across the country (see the movie if you want to know why). At this point, they are in a van in which they’ve joined one guy & a group of girls. (I’d explain why these people are on their trip, but if you ever plan to see the film, it’s a decent-sized spoiler.) Eventually, they get into a conversation/argument about whether or not females flatulate.

Anyhow, this brings me kind of circular in the subject of this blog, as it was partially-inspired by that scene, & I saw Kevin Smith this morning on a commercial on IFC. I don’t recall what show it was for, or (naturally, then) if I’ve ever watched that show.

Back on my planned subject, I only saw that ad because it was played during a show titled, “Maron”. This was my first & only (thus far, but probably not for long) time watching the show. For those of you unaware, it stars writer/actor/comic Marc Maron, playing a semi-fictionalized version of himself.

I have watched him for years when he was a guest on talk shows hosted by Conan O’Brien (back before the mess at NBC, who would probably love to have either of them host a talk show there now). For that reason, I watched him a few weeks ago when he was a guest on Conan’s TBS show. One of the things he was “plugging” was his TV show.

Another thing he discussed was his “podcast”, titled (in whole or in part), “WTF”. I am well-aware what it probably stands for in that case; However, if you read my previous blog, you’ll see I often edit myself for content (like movies shown on basic cable, even after Midnight)…. See how I get the circle?!

Anyhow, the episode they aired today was one entitled, “Radio Cowboy”. Having never seen the show before, the onscreen description of this one sounded like something I might be very-much interested in: Marc (playing a podcast-host as he truly is) spends time on a radio morning show (like some he used to host in both his real & fictional lives), & comes to believe radio is dead & podcasts are the future. Soon, however, he finds & tries to help (“…help future-ize?”… “…help anachronize?” Something like that) an old radio host.

Back off-screen, I’m sitting here (in my room & then the living room), watching the show. Meanwhile, in the back of my mind, a small part of it is thinking about my future. (I still claim to “live improv”, & believe I do so honestly, having never believed to this second the proper definition of the word/term meaning doing anything at all with no thought whatsoever.) I sit in this apartment a few hours a day. The entire time I do so, I have maybe a half-dozen “short stories” ready for publishing. (Some have even literally been submitted to publishers.) I also have an entirely-original, clean-enough-for-all-audiences (from my 6-year-old nephew to my father’s 90-plus-year-old Aunt & all in-between) musical play which is (what I call) “technically complete”. I am more than happy to take a writing job at the local paper, who prove they need me simply by the number of mistakes in one edition (& have printed opinion-pieces & the like I’ve submitted many times in the past, even E-mailing me to ask for more specifically from me on specific subjects). I am/would-be also “more than happy” to talk about anything on any local TV station (I E-mailed one & talked to an employee on the phone about possible programming), & would only “shy away from” radio due to the fact my name automatically calls-up for many my connection to my father, who has done his share (as well as dozens-of-others’ share) of work on the medium.

Anyhow, I then (at the end of the show) briefly hopped online to mention on Twitter that In had watched-&-enjoyed it. I hopped back offline (wanting to be ready to leave soon, the trip honestly being the only reason I had wanted to wake up at the time the episode began), & thought some more. I thought mainly about myself (I’m an egomaniac to a point, but if you knew a lot about me, you wouldn’t blame me), & (again) my own future. More-specifically, I thought about the chances of hosting a podcast or something myself.

I would have some definite problems, the first being I don’t own a microphone. (It looks on the show as if podcasts need at least two.) We used to have a TON in the house when Dad lived with us, & I bet he still has a bunch of them I could use simply by asking. The problem that brings me is the guests to invite on my podcast… This is where the other problem actually helps; My first plan to “fix” it was to do the podcast in some sort of non-audio style, leaving me a wide choice of guests, & I have a list I could contact through “tweets”, E-mails, phone calls (sounds sort of “Cro-Magnon” now; Doesn’t it?), text-messages, & the like.

Of course, if I wanted to reach out to the majority of those people as guests (I would eventually need to get most of them; I’ve long wondered how shows that get renewed for many years, as “Big Bang Theory” recently did, manage/plan how to fill that many episodes after celebrating the news), I would run into the problem of most having little-or-nothing to “plug”/discuss… However, as I believe I saw Donny Deutsch say on “The Today Show” once (paraphrasing here), “There are a lot of people with million-dollar ideas, but most lack the oomph to give them a shot.” It is my belief (especially since Hollywood moves into remakes of “Spider-Man” for movies a decade after the first trilogy began, & is about to release the first of what I believe to be a third set of “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle” movies) that TV & film media rehash so many ideas almost-literally to death because they simply refuse to try ANY of the new ones that come along.

Seriously, let me know your thoughts on this!!! I want to know if I should go through with my new idea, which I have temporarily titled “T. I. P. P, E. R.” (Thanks to my student & staff friends at the local Kent Campus for semi-connecting me to this author & his book), as well as any thoughts about/ideas you have for it.


Where Is “Where I Fell”?!

In the words of Alan Jackson, “Where were you when the world stopped turning?”.

OK; So I don’t really know if it ever has. (In an aim to make my life seem more worth-living to me, I have often spent the day simply trying to find a way/reason to be moving somewhere, in a vehicle or on foot.) However, I didn’t want the first sentence of this blog to be as upsetting as my real starting question might be…

“Where were you on the morning of ’9-11′?”

Growing up (as some may claim I am still doing), I heard a ton of people say there were moments of history during their lives that everyone in the country would remember where they were: The JFK assassination (about Negative-Twenty Years Old) was the big one, but the first I recall happening in my lifetime was “9-11″. Yes, I remember precisely where I was when the 2nd plane hit: I was sitting in a chair in my original home, getting mad at Matt Lauer. It was nothing personal, nor did it have anything to do with what he was saying, doing, or wearing; I had started a very-regular routine of waking at the same time, checking my blood-sugar, & watching “Judge Mathis”. I turned-on the channel, & it was Matt, continuing the “Today Show” due to the (apparently) “shocking events…”.

Twenty years later (doesn’t seem that long to me), I don’t recall what Matt said verbatim, nor many other major details. I do recall, however, what I continue to call “My One Good Thing To Come Out Of ’9-11′”…Or rather, “who”. Due to filming at that time in the New York area, Conan O’Brien had a lot of bands coming on & performing optimistic tunes. One night, he brought out a group I had never heard of (he did that a lot, & still does) called “Fountains Of Wayne”. They performed what I later learned was a Kinks cover they had recorded before called, “Better Things”.

Lyric-wise, the song sounded to me like it belonged in a Disney film. (Covered in sugar, it seemed, as it was from “Mary Poppins”, long my sister’s favorite Disney flick.) But I liked something I still can’t specify about the group’s sound. I went soon to the local secondhand-disc store, & bought the only FOW disc I found. Over the next few years, they became one of my favorite groups. (I will always claim this was before they hit it big on the radio with “Stacy’s Mom”, or they were nominated for a Grammy for “Best New Artist”… For their THIRD ALBUM?!)

I’m (again) not sure why or how, but being a fan of theirs eventually led me to a song called, “Fountains Of Wayne Hotline”. It was performed by a singer-songwriter named Robbie Fulks. If you can find it, I suggest you get it. It’s a hilarious song I’m shocked he ever actually recorded (on no albums I can find, nor available anywhere in “MP3″ format.), as written by a wannabe artist who has trouble writing songs, so he calls the “Hotline” & talks to a few employees (none of them sharing names with actual FOW group members) who give him tips, ideas, etc…

Anyhow, I was watching TV last week, trying to transfer files from my still-problematic PC to 1 of a few external hard-drives (if not remove them permanently) before sending it off again to the local “Geek Squad”. (“Once more unto the geeks, my friends!” says a voice in my head that prefers mocking Shakespeare to the anger this often fills me with.) The show had a few live performances of other songs by Robbie, which I watched. Afterward, I looked for versions of those same songs in my Windows Media Player library. One of them is a song called, “Where I Fell”. Both verses end with him referring to a specific spot (different in 1 verse than the other) “…Where I Fell”.

The songwriter in myself (who has spent much, but not all of the past dozen years silent) wondered if one (or maybe both) of those places (as well as a few other places/things) he refers to in the song truly exist in his case. Unsure about him, but knowing I myself have fallen more than my share of places over the years, I decided I would spend 1 day this week heading to one of them, standing on/in it (the chosen spot was a pothole at the time of the fall, which is the reason I think I fell on/near there), & proclaiming (like Robbie in the song), “Now I dwell where I fell”.

I mentioned it to Mom briefly last night, being rather vague on purpose. (Mom has no mask, costume, or comic book, but I have long thought-&-said she feels great when she knows of someone who needs her help at any time; In fact, I am borrowing her PC right now while she is out-of-town, taking an Aunt to Cleveland Clinic.) She woke me this afternoon right before she left, & seconds after she left, I grabbed my necessary items (& a few “perhaps-I’ll-need/use” things), & headed out.

Side-note: I was ready to discuss my plan with anyone, since my destination was not indoors, which may lead/have led to questions. Also, I kept a “running log” on my Twitter account, going as far as to invite people to come & ask questions while I was having Lunch near my planned destination.

I left this building wearing the following “outfit”:

Usual wristwatch

Shoes ordered by my podiatrist about a year ago

Dark jeans (still including an especially-dark spot caused by the Banana Cream Pie Blizzard I had while my nephew celebrated his team’s local Athletic Club Championship yesterday)

The black shirt I bought covered in shoes, themselves covered in a phrase regarding, “Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes.” (Needless to say, the whole saying is more humor than true suggestion, & I credit the late Mitch Hedberg as the first reason I heard it.)

Monkees sweatjacket I bought under a month ago (Largely b/c Mom had warned of predicted storms, another one of the reasons I originally fell in this spot)


Long story short, I stopped at the local Taco Bell at the Mall’s Food Court (same menu, but I think a bit more cost, than the one up the block). I then walked through a bunch of the Mall, cutting through the JCPenney the way I had that original fall (for me; Summer for all others) day, & out the exit. I literally pointed with my index finger at the end of my fully-outstretched arm to the light-pole I recalled (perhaps incorrectly) falling near on that day. (I realize now I have not named/mentioned it. If you need to know, I can 95%-promise you it was June 19, 2007.)

I stopped within walking distance of the store I had just left & the local movie theatre I haven’t visited in I-literally-don’t-know-how-long. (I quietly debated amongst myself further steps, remembering I was headed from-movie-to-Mall the day of the fall… Did not mean for that to rhyme, I promise.) I then decided that specific didn’t matter, largely because repeating that detail would require me to cross a two-lane roadway of sorts between Mall parking & that of the nearby theater & “Expo Center”. (I specifically also recalled I believe myself to have tripped because I was looking at/for traffic on/in those lanes, & not paying attention to what awaited once I had crossed it.)

Finally, I shrugged, grumbled & mumbled a bit to myself, & started writing my own 3rd verse to the song, wondering “WTH?” (full words; Editing myself for content) happened to the pothole &/or rest of the area where I recall myself to have fallen. [Watching too much "NCIS: Los Angeles" makes me wonder who to call about them maybe still having the traffic/other surveillance tapes to prove what the reason(s) was/were I fell that day, & why it isn't/they aren't still there...I also laughed at the local Congressman I've longed disliked, with whom I share a first name & who I believe my Dad knows personally, perhaps causing me this issue/problem by actually (I believe) doing his job in this case/area.]


Hunting For Catfish In The Mahoning River = New Blog 6/4/14

I don’t honestly know why (though I fully realize that means nobody does), but when I “steal” titles, I feel I need to start the blog explaining where I got it from. This time, I didn’t steal it at all, but I did “derive” it from a few sources. (Is that even a word in that tense?!) I therefore, likewise, & “all that good jazz” (altering the term I once heard current “Fault In Our Stars” cast-member @birbigs use) feel the need to explain it.

I only think I’ve ever heard the word “catfish” 3 times, which totals about once a decade. The last was whenever the MTV show began; The second/middle was the movie that “started it all” (though the people behind it may claim the events “documented” in the movie truly did that). The first was several years ago, as that was the first fish I ever caught when intentionally going fishing. [My Uncle Bill, who ironically had a birthday only last week, & also himself built a boat since that intentional-fishing trip he later launched on local water (video of which is still on this computer), has never that I recall explained to me why we didn't keep it the way I understand most fishermen do the majority of their catches... But being I was rather young & it was the first one I ever caught, I still have some sort of "sense memory" of being very upset by that.]

Lastly, the Mahoning River is a real body of water that I have ridden past several times in the cars of either of my parents… That said, the last time I went fishing was MANY years ago, & the last time I went anywhere near that river for any honestly-worth-documenting amount of time was during my visits to the nearby courts for all the “legal guardian” stuff, which I have documented on this blog FAR more than enough. (I am still not entirely done separating myself from that experience & what I am now choosing to refer to as its “offshoots”. While some might say I have one more step to complete, & will be finished when this week is, a long-existent part of my brain that prefers to expect the worst/least argues that I might have preferred serving a sentence the likes of which I’ve seen mentioned on recent airings of various “Law & Order” spinoffs, as it believes people serving such sentences can reform & live somewhat-normal-&-complete lives, whereas I will never be fully separated from that “guardian” or the “case”, regardless of the Probate Court site listing it in all-CAPS as “CLOSED”.)

Anyway, I am not in any rush (to put it mildly) to go fishing again. (I will probably eat another “BK Big Fish” within the next 2 weeks, but I don’t care to be or even know the person that catches it.) I also am not exactly in any rush to go near the Mahoning River, though I realize I have high odds whether I wish it or not, as it did flood during my lifetime, & I only today read a Rolling Stone article that discussed climate change leading to Miami & other coastal cities being placed underwater…

… That said, I am in the mood to go “hunting” for some sort of “catfish”, by saying which I mean searching online for actual genetic connections to my actual self.

Understand when I write this that I have said/written beyond the point of being redundant on my blogs that I love both my nephews & my niece. (This computer is filled with pics & video of my eldest nephew, who I have probably called “buddy” more than his actual name. His younger brother literally runs to me, says my name, & grabs my leg when I arrive at his big brother’s ‘ball games over the past week. My niece, meanwhile, is not even a-half-year old, & so barely says any words… However, I expect my name to come soon, as she only recently stopped her mouth from smiling at me the second she sees me literally anywhere.)

I also love my sister (to the point we referred to each other on the phone tonight at the end of the conversation solely by each other’s first initials, & this conversation happened only after she sent me 3 text-messages).

That all written, I have said rarely-but-repeatedly that if my doctor were to tell me at tomorrow’s appointment that I were adopted, I would be surprised by it coming from this particular doctor (a specialist in an area other than my family/genetics), but not at all by the news. At least 3 of my teachers Freshman Year of high school knew the first name of the man I’ve grown-up thinking (he) was my father before they’d even seen my face. I went to my first party at another student’s house when I was in high school due to my sister having invited someone via me, since they were my best friend for many years (many years prior, & to this very second); I wasn’t physically spending any “school hours” in the school building.

On the opposite side of things, much of my family & friends still hold (& speak of) the belief I have Diabetes. (This is another thing I have covered on my blogs “FAR more than enough”.) This is happening simultaneously with the same people (those who act towards it at all, anyway) seemingly refusing to believe or even have me tested for other diseases I verbally claim to believe I might have, despite my repeated claims/announcements of showing their symptoms. (One of my junior-high Health teachers was an old classmate of my mother’s, so I wonder how she’d feel knowing Mom seems to steadfastly refuse testing for these things, despite the fact her old classmate who is now a teacher telling me at least once the better odds of survival that come from early detection.)

Maybe it’s the way my also-oft-covered “living Improv” affects my memory, but I can’t recall anything else (if it ever actually existed) I wanted to cover on this topic/idea. I realize, by the way, I haven’t mentioned my Dad in a while. This was intentional… My Dad & I are actually taking a trip near the end of the week that would be right at the top of my “things to look forward to”/”things to live for” list that I believe I covered in a recent blog… I will be paying him back for my ticket to this event, which is ironic only because it was I who originally mentioned this event to him a few weeks ago, & in the time since, he said & did things that repeatedly upset me (not total; each individual one) to the point I was making myself OK with missing this event, deciding that attending was not worth the hour-or-so trip to-&-from with him.

Footnote Added At-Least-An-Hour Later: It hit me several minutes after typing the previous that I never mentioned the full title of this blog/entry was a “takeoff” of sorts on the film title, “Salmon Fishing In The Yemen”. Admittedly, I’ve never seen a single second of the film, though I remain aware it stars (among others) one of my long-time favorite film actors, Ewan MacGregor. [I have "A Life Less Ordinary" on DVD, & the soundtrack on CD, as well as recalling his vocal performance of a song I honestly don't recall the title of in with Cameron Diaz in that film better than the original... But have never seen a single scene of "Moulin Rouge" or "Trainspotting", & recall having walked home in evening darkness years ago when my next-door neighbors invited me to watch "Star Wars: Episode One" with them. (That said, I picture him in the film any time I hear his character's name mentioned in the "Weird Al" song related to the film.)]

I would not have added this “Footnote” at all if I had not turned-on a cable repeat of “NCIS: Los Angeles”, & heard “Hetty” mention helping break a character out of prison & sending him “all the way… to his family in Yemen.” This remains one reason I refuse to watch the film, as I have otherwise only seen the location mentioned there & on the “Friends” episode half my immediate family has memorized verbatim, neither of which ever use a “The” prior to the name of the country.


“V. I. D. o. L.”

This time, I am not going to name the blog after a title or quote from something else. I am also not going to start it with a statement of the time (not sure) or day (know, but don’t care). That all seems a bit ironic to me (which I have read lately some feel is a judgment-call), as I plan for this particular blog to be largely based on myself, what I’m doing now (well, in recent months), & its relationship to what I’ve done before.

Before any of you ask, the title I have given today’s blog is my own abbreviation/acronym. It stands (in my mind, anyway) for “Venn-Ish Diagram Of Life”.

Here’s why…

I’m not positive about this [I'm still searching for an MRI-like test that would tell me what's in my brain, how it gets there, why it stays there, how-&-why I/it access(es) certain things at certain times, etc.], but I believe “Venn diagrams” are visual aids that involve 2 intersecting circles. (Admittedly, I am mainly recalling this from “Late Night With Seth Meyers” & “Big Bang Theory“… But I am the guy who gets many things on “Jeopardy” due to “Forbidden Broadway”, “Leverage”, WWE wrestling, & The Monkees.)

Anyhow, I now believe my life is less the circle Harry Chapin sang about (remember, I’m the guy that “follows” Monkee Micky Dolenz & pro wrestler/”Hardcore Legend” Mick Foley on Twitter), & more two circles (at least) that can be followed in several different directions at once…

It starts with the “Type 1 Diabetes” all-who-know-me-but-are-not-me have believed I have for over a decade. (Wishing I got a Pavlovian bit every time I said or typed that word.) Almost since diagnosis, I have tried to have something to look forward to that drives me to take my blood-sugar checks & my insulin shots. (A while back, this may’ve been the birth of my niece; However, some days, a decent rerun of “Leverage” will do it.) Just recently, I have tried to turn this thing on all occasions into what I have long referred-to only by its semi-secretive name, “The Platinum Project”.

This “Project” is not anything the government need be worried about (like those involving Edward Snowden, who I watched last night on NBC News & read about previously in Rolling Stone), nor is it my autobiography (currently sitting un-updated due to aforementioned computer issues). Even so, it is close to the latter, in that the main character (it is a largely-fictional thing) is a writer (as I’ve long aimed to be), & the “Project” will cover a few of his efforts to write.

All I will say at this time is that my current outline starts with him reading another fictional account, & feeling he wasted his time in reading it. After (coincidentally) feeling this way myself when I finished reading a (fictional) book a few months back, I considered the new “project” making reference to that book specifically, thinking it would be easy writing for me, since I personally knew how the fictional person would feel after this exact experience. Fearing the perhaps-minute potential of a lawsuit, I later considered the idea of using one of my own prior-written works, thinking it may cause people to seek it out, & I will have worked my way into a publishing deal (albeit perhaps a small one).

While writing the script with this idea in mind recently, it hit me that no real people are likely to seek anything out if another person (real or fictional) expresses having had a negative experience with it. (Even if some did, as I myself have admittedly done in the past, that would not be the way to go about earning any sort of “publishing deal” or other positive result, especially not in this “day & age”, where it seems there are an annually-increasing way to access written/recorded media without any financial loss/expenditure.)

Anyhow, I am now sitting here (right this second; Weather’s improving even in Ohio, so am moving about somewhat), trying to work my way back to where I was when I was working on the “project” without use of myself that I now realize would perhaps be self-injurious, while simultaneously realizing it will make writing the “project” once again the comparatively-difficult task it originally was.


The Circle With An “Ender” — Blog Begun 5/23/14 @ 2:15 AM

For those of you who may not know (which I assume is an overwhelming percentage, though I also realize the vast majority don’t care), it is now “a quarter after 2″ in the morning on May 23, 2014. Three hours ago, it was still the 22nd of May. That’s simple Math for many of you, & it probably matters little, if at all.

However, it means a lot to me, as I got an E-mail around 10:30 that night (when I read it; it was sent much earlier that morning) from a guy my “simple Math” estimates I have now known (& considered my “best friend”) for a quarter-century.

Something many of you are also probably not aware about, & may be more-interested in, is the fact I am typing this on my personal computer, bought legally for me (by which I mean both it wasn’t stolen & the purchase had to literally get OKed by local courts before it was made; read earlier blogs if you forgot/are unsure why). However, my “game plan” right now is to save this when it’s finished on what I’ve been referring to as an “external hard drive”, & post it online later today/tomorrow/oh, whatever… Friday via Mom’s computer, which I have been borrowing yet again periodically.

The reason for that is my computer is (the “taskbar” tells me) unable to get online right now (or the last few weeks). I plan to send it in to the “Geek Squad” again soon to try & fix this, but that will be the 4th time I’ve given it to them, & I have barely owned this machine that many months.

One reason I am hesitant to give it to them is I believe I was overcharged in a few different ways the other times. Another is I am working on saving a lot of documents, programs, & media (videos, pictures, & music) via that aforementioned “external hard drive”, & am in the process of organizing it so it will take-up less space on the drive when I do so.

One major part of this organization is compiling bands that are listed under different names, but (I believe) are the same exact people. [No joke: I recently combined the "Black Eyed Peas" sections spelled both with &/or without a hyphen in the first word(s), & only minutes ago combined "AC-DC" spelled with a hyphen &/or the slash I just-now used.]

One of the reasons I admit this is taking so long is I spend a lot of time searching for different songs on my Media Player, & listening to them. (That takes maybe 4 minutes, after which I do what I’m choosing to now call “Six Degrees of the Bacon Brothers”, searching for similar titles, & listening to those songs, in a neverending list.)

I don’t know why, but a few nights ago, I was feeling more religious than I have in a while, & simply searched the word, “Confession”. (Maybe I was feeling the need for a religious observance between Mother’s & Memorial Days.) As you might expect, the majority of my results were songs by Dashboard Confessional. Again for a reason I’m unsure of, I ended-up listening to a song called, “Ender Will Save Us All”.

I admit that this very second, I’m not positive who “Ender” is, or if it’s even a person, thing, or maybe some sort of machine. (“Final Jeopardy!” tonight got me thinking about Kubrick & “Artificial Intelligence”.) I seem to recall reading someplace it was the middle name of lead-singer/songwriter Chris Carrabba, but can’t be sure of that at the moment.

“SPOILER ALERT!”: The song, while great, never tells you who or what (if in fact anything at all) “Ender” is, nor how it/they “Will Save Us All”.

Regardless, I have spent the past few days (including hours all over my alarm clock, or the one on my digital-cable box, or the one on this PC) listening to that song, watching my favorite episode of the long-cancelled “Sports Night” (which I did at 1:30 this morning, with my “Complete Series” DVD-set well within reach, part of me wondering why I don’t see any pronunciation mark at the end of Peter Krause’s name in the credits, as I believe there should be the way people pronounce it on TV these days), & having a meal with Mom at the local (& self-proclaimed “Original”) Hot Dog Shoppe, recalling the days I spent debating becoming a part of the Facebook Group I read about dedicated to that place. (I forget my final decision; Let me know if you find me in it!)

Why am I doing all this?! Because I recently-learned getting rid of the “legal guardian” who was involved in the original purchase of this machine is a much-longer & more-complicated task than I originally imagined. I’m quite-well-aware I could stop doing this work if I were to, say, stop taking my Lantus or the roughly-2 pills I take each night (about an-hour-and-a-half ago), thereby reconnecting me with the “LG”. However, if I wanted that, I never would have begun the work to disconnect us 4 months ago, which my immediate family is well-aware was all begun due to my choice & (thus far, largely) my individual action.

–Blog Complete 5/23/14 @ 2:49 AM


“‘The Unbearable Lightness Of’ Nothingness” — New Blog Begun 5-16-2014 @ 1:42 AM

Well, first, I’ll do what feels like absolving myself a bit by admitting I’m tech-stealing the title again. I’m not exactly sure that’s what the words are, but lately, I’ve thought so… Regardless, they’re the sound-alikes that work the best for my usage. [I know I've previously confessed to loving the use of "trick titles", & considering it for if-&-when I ever release any non-soundtrack album of songs,... But man, if I didn't regret all that about 5 minutes ago when I was searching the "Free Movies On-Demand" Channel! It's like your parents' "One day, you'll have kids, &..." speech for the "by-choice bachelors"!! (That's what I've taken to calling myself lately, & any that may exist like me.)]

Anyhow, about 12 hours ago, I was hand-writing a note to my best friend, letting him know all the things that have happened in the roughly-5-months between his birthday & mine. I’ve had a lot of physical pains, but I didn’t mention them, as my belief is the reason I’ve had & survived such a large quantity is they each lasted for shorter amounts of time than it took me to write the note.

Therefore, at the top of my list was removing the “legal guardian” I had over the previous year. If anyone had been able to confirm for me, say, 10 months ago that I’d be totally free of it now (not entirely-finished with it all, but I took money from the ATM with my debit card this afternoon, & I’ve got a CD by one of my favorite bands that I haven’t found available in town on its way here from Amazon, so good enough for me), I would’ve probably laughed, but eventually celebrated.

That all said (“wrote”, if you wanna “get tech”), as I mentioned in the note to my friend, that’s not really such a hot thing. As that Janis Joplin song says (my cousin would probably laugh to know I still remember hearing her “go nuts on it”), “Freedom’s just another word for…” something else, & it’s worthless, but free. Sorry, but who-knows-how-many years later, I gotta add somethin’ to that. (Perhaps why my sister went through some time of preferring Scott Joplin, whereas I spent part of Thursday evening with Josh Joplin in my head.) If something were worthless-but-free, I’d be cool with that. (As I told Ma & my Aunt Wednesday night, I’ve long lived by the Dave-Matthews-Band-song-title of “Pay For What You Get”.) But as I’ve lived my own life the past few weeks since that legal separation (which has included online interaction with people who seem to hold a mutual dislike for me, & others that have actually said they agreed with my opinions &/or liked my suggestions on things), I’ve learned that I’ve gone from not working a minute in my life (at your average paying job) to doing a ton of work, knowing all the while I’m not going to make any more money in total than I did 36 months ago, another time that I had no job, but one during which I also had no nieces. (As I told my brother-in-law this past Mother’s Day, “Nobody who’s seen me w/them will doubt I LOVE your kids.”)

On my way out of this apartment a few afternoons ago, I told my Mom (also my driver that time, though she by-choice stayed in the car at our destination) that if I had a choice between being a Tony-winning, famous, published millionaire writer & being dead, that second, I would’ve chosen the latter. That day, I was on my way to a doctor’s appointment to discuss a problem he’d already improved once, but which had since-then returned. At that appointment, he gave me prescriptions & instructions I have followed (the latter; the former would leave me stuck on the table), & I think the problem will leave again… So why did I find myself 24 hours later giving myself the same hypothetical choices, & still choosing the latter?!


“…Double-Blogger”, Part 2: “Trio And Error(s?)” — New Blog Begun 5-7-14 @ 11:08 PM

Well,… Hold-up on that! Right off there, I’m correcting myself. I was gonna start this one out saying, “Well,…” something to “everyone”. However, in the past few weeks (largely due to some parts of this fiction book I’ve been reading), I’ve become increasingly-aware that FAR from “everyone” knows me, as well as aware of the fact I may actually prefer it if it stays that way for the rest of my life, whether that’s less than a week or another “round” of the amount of time I’ve already lived.

(Apology to everyone: I just finished watching “Nashville”, so I may come off sounding a bit “country” on that paragraph, or maybe this whole spiel. I know I spent a lot of time in Kentucky, but that was near over a decade ago, so that’s no real explanation.)

Anyhow, I seriously AND sincerely want to apologize to anyone who’s been searching for me the past few weeks, for some word on how my “hearing” went & all that. (Most who know would say the “hearing” itself went about as well as it could have. On the other hand, I’ve got my hearing aid & its battery in the pocket of these jeans right now, & I’m thankful for the wrestling shows I watch being easy to view-&-understand without any sound, so my overall hearing is still “not all that hot”, not to mention I myself would disagree with the overall view of how the legal “hearing” went.)

Let me just be honest here… To the best of my knowledge at this moment, the last day of March was a Monday. I hopped on my Twitter account that night, posted a few opinions related to the night’s wrestling show, & signed-off. Don’t ask me why, but the following day, I didn’t do anything I recall feeling the need to “tweet” about. Eventually, that turned into a self-challenge to go the whole month without saying anything on my account. I hopped-on rarely over the past month,… But only reading, not posting.

Eventually, my service days started counting-down on my cell phone. I felt that wouldn’t matter, since I still had close to an hour of “airtime” left on it. About 2-3 weeks ago, my Dad invited me to go to Lunch with him. [My family usually meets for Lunch after church services on Sundays, but I slept-in a bit much, & (if I recall right) Dad had trouble finding everyone.] Mom offered me her cell phone in case I needed to call for a ride back home (never mind we ate on the same street I live on). I turned mine on to prove I could call the apartment, & the call didn’t go through.

Long story short, I finally ended-up adding more “airtime” & service days quickly to this cell phone yesterday (& it repaid me by reminding me why I’d long wanted to get a new one). But I still have my “predictive” text off, as well as a few other things (though actually checking shows all these things to be marked as being “on”). So I still have yet to feel the need to put anything on my Twitter account.

Since I still haven’t said, I guess I should mention my “hearing” ended in the positive… For those who are not me. What I mean by that is I got control over my financial accounts, but actually being able to remove money via ATMs is an event that I’m still waiting to become a reality. (That Monkee thing I think I mentioned before may end-up not happening due to circumstances only technically beyond my control.)

That all being covered in the basic, it has led to things becoming not easier, but more-complicated. I got a letter from the “specialist” that handles my Diabetes, informing my family & I tomorrow will be my last appointment with her. She offers in the letter to help us find a new person, though I have made both parents individually aware I’d personally prefer to just not get a replacement, & “wind up” with nobody treating me for a disease I continue to claim being aware I’ve never had.

As I explained to my Mom earlier tonight, the problem with that (if there, in fact, is one) has been the case much longer than I’ve been seeing this particular “specialist”. I have said for a LONG time that all I do for this Diabetes it is widely-believed I have makes no sense to me. (It largely deals with causing oneself to bleed & stabbing oneself, each multiple times a day, which seems to me like something humans would be told to do by aliens or an evil foreign warlord in a bad Asimov novel or Vin Diesel “Riddick” flick.) It sometimes leads to me asking why I have to do it all, & the answer always comes to some form of the words/phrase, “So you can live.”

That then leads to me picturing some movie or TV show I can’t ID offhand. (I believe it was “Two Guys & A Girl,” right before they removed the title “Pizza Place”.) One character (I believe this was Richard Ruccolo, certainly the most-forgotten of the title cast members, & maybe the most of all, since even Nathan Fillion’s career has multiplied severely since then, & he was a bit player at best on this show) has some sort of speech that ends with something to the effect of, “That’s my life.” They then walk away from the person they are speaking to (I think it was then-future “Green Lantern” Ryan Reynolds), eventually walking out through a set door near the time they’re saying, “My life sucks!!”

This, in complete honesty, is the feeling I have about my life, especially when you remember what some may forget, which is that each day I continue to live (like some “big boss” in a video game, or whatever the players called the characters who were able to withstand the most punishment when I was growing-up) must include the aforementioned multiple times of bleeding & shooting (some of the latter of which admittedly leads to additional unrequired bleeding).

Don’t get me wrong; Some of my life is decent. For instance, thus far, I have made 2 of the 3 ball-games my nephew has played this year. (If I’m not too tired after tomorrow’s appointment, I will make the 3rd of the overall 4 this season.) He doesn’t say it, but I’m sure he appreciates me being there. My younger nephew has called me by name every time he sees me, & some times when Mom shows-up places without me. Yesterday was the first time in her roughly 5 months of life my niece has not smiled when she saw me. (My sister seems to express I’m the only one that gets the same positive reaction this percentage of the time.)

However, as I mentioned to Mom roughly 3 hours ago, I love that stuff now, but am likely to have forgotten it all by the end of the month. Also, if I tried to tell those things/stories to anyone outside of family (be it tomorrow’s “specialist” or someone at the Wal-Mart we like to visit afterward that is near her office), they might likewise appreciate it, & perhaps even smile, but it would not help pay for the CD that came out at the end of last month I was hoping might be the first thing I bought when the “hearing” was over & I got full control of my account (but have been unable to find at FYE, Target, or Best Buy locally)… Nor will they help me prepare for next week’s season finale of “Person Of Interest” (which often ends its season with some sort of “arcing story”; I missed the end of last week’s, & the “On-Demand” channel claims the one for that week to have been a repeat, which I know is not true. Ironically, I realized soon after it that I’d also missed the end of last night’s.)

Call it “stupid”, call it “small-time”, call me a cab (“OK; You’re a cab!”… Sorry; Only one this blog, promise)… But the fact is (I remind myself of old “Party Of Five” episodes the rare times I write things like this) it’s these rare, no-money-value times (nephews, etc.) life should really be about, & while I’m hitting all the family spots (& enough spots on my stomach with the insulin needles I’m considering spelling my own name), I’m missing to-me-just-as-priceless moments (Old 97s, Tuesday-night TV shows) that make my life just-as-much worth living.

NOTE: That shows you just how much his blog was “trial & error”; There was originally going to be a trio covered a lot in it, & I ended without ever mentioning it/them.